Progress

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@imcwote

Saturday is laundry day. Last night I was folding my clean clothes and putting them away when I got a whiff of cat pee. Cat pee is so potent and smells so bad. It was just before bed. I was tired and I nearly spiraled.

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I recently finished watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (amazing musical show). The main character, Rebecca, struggles with her mental health throughout the seasons. A couple of times she sings a song whose chorus goes like this: “You’ve ruined everything, you stupid bitch.” That song is the song that resonated most with me (second only to Heavy Boobs because only other heavy-boob-havers understand).

The song comes when Rebecca has messed up and she spirals. Something goes wrong and then she thinks about everything that’s ever gone wrong and how she’s useless and dumb. I might be projecting.

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Last night when I got the whiff of cat pee I stayed calm at first. I started picking up things in the closet to try to identify the source. Then I felt the tug of the spiral.

I thought about how since the electrician came to uninstall my ceiling fans A MONTH AGO I haven’t had a light in my bedroom or closet. I thought about all of things I still need to sell and how these cats actually need to be rehomed and how I’m going to have to take everything out of the closet in the dark and try to find a tiny puddle of pee and I’m tired and the whole time the neighbor’s music is BLARING and I’m getting sweaty even though I just showered and I’m itchy and….

You get it.

Spiraling.

BUT I DIDN’T GIVE IN. I stopped. I breathed. And I used the flashlight on my cell phone to find the tiny puddle of pee (not in the closet, praise the Lord) and I lit a candle and turned on the fan and went to sleep.

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Instead of using all of the times I make mistakes or something bad happens as an excuse to spiral and focus on everything that is less than ideal in my life, I want to use all of the times I do something awesome or something great happens or I identify an unhealthy habit and STOP IT to celebrate my growth and my journey!

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What’s something awesome you’ve done lately?

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