A decent amount of my friends in the States have been married/in serious relationships for a while now but the missionary crowd tends to run single (and female) for a bit longer, so it’s just now in my late 20s that my making plans with friends is starting to sound like, “Let me check with Felix,” and, “I’m not sure what Yeffry is doing,” and, “Danilo is only in town till Sunday.”
You would think – I would think this of me anyway, so you are free to do it, too – that these kind of comments would…
- Annoy me because I am a naturally self-focused person as well as a naturally decisive, follow your gut person and I naturally assume that my way of being a person is the best way of being a person and so therefore believe that my friends should just make their decisions and plans based on what they want to do and not what their significant other wants to do.
- Make me feel high-horsey about feminism and independence and all that hooplah.
- Make me bitter and jealous because I don’t have a man with a hip Dominican name to check in with.
But God gives more grace. And I don’t feel any of those things! A testament to God’s work in my life. Instead I…
- Take it in stride. “Okay! Check with him and let me know! Or, “Just message me.”
- Am so incredibly happy for these wonderful, beautiful women who now have these wonderful, beautiful men who love them and care for them and make them laugh and treasure them. (Today I was visiting my friend Kristin and her adorable baby and her husband called just to see how she was doing. Just to check in. Precious.)
- Am so grateful that these really cool guys get to be a part of my life, too! As I mentioned, this expat/missionary hybrid life I am living can be pretty female but the body of Christ is diverse for a reason and I need men in my life, too! Hanging out with my friends’ boos is a great way to get some new friends.
I teach my students, “Love says, ‘You first.'” And God keeps using my own words to open my eyes to His hand at work all around me. God is Love and I see Him in how my friends love their husbands/boyfriends/fiancees and how they are loved by them. In how they consider each other in their plans.
I see God in how my friends love each other and me. I see God in how families love each other and how spouses who have been together for DECADES still call each other “honey” and get each other cold beverages. I see God in how people are actively saying, “You first,” with their words, habits, and actions. And all of these beautiful pictures of love are not only preparing me for my great love story (it’s coming – I have faith!) but also helping me to love better right now today. To love my students better and my housemates and my coworkers and my friends and their boos!
It’s crazy how quickly things can change, but it’s true that for everything there is a season. For some of my friends their season of singleness has ended (woohoo!) and for some of my friends (like me!) our season of singleness is thriving (woohoo!). But in every season there is abundant Love. Praise God.